I WANT YOU FOR BACKUP SPECIAL TEAMS

Breaking News: Word has it that Army Coach Jeff Monken has announced that he will hold open tryouts for the football team on March 3rd. The Sons of Mars & Thunder are leaving no stone unturned in the pursuit of every last shred of talent at the rockbound highland home.

Seriously...fuck this thing.

Seriously…fuck this thing.

Those of you diehard Army fans with eligibility left should consider applying for a job as a mess hall waiter, or the personal groomer for the Superintendent’s dog and/or Commandant’s cat, dust off your tarbucket, and give the fields of friendly strife a whirl.

If he’s smart, he’ll start with IOCT tabbers, provided each overachiever still has two functioning lungs.

In an effort to keep things true to WP tradition, tryout participants will be required to wear black Etonics “court shoes” designed for nursing home workers and Ranger goggles. Following the football portion, DPE will request permission to alternately punch and drown all participants.

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