Breaking News: Word has it that Army Coach Jeff Monken has announced that he will hold open tryouts for the football team on March 3rd. The Sons of Mars & Thunder are leaving no stone unturned in the pursuit of every last shred of talent at the rockbound highland home.

Seriously...fuck this thing.

Seriously…fuck this thing.

Those of you diehard Army fans with eligibility left should consider applying for a job as a mess hall waiter, or the personal groomer for the Superintendent’s dog and/or Commandant’s cat, dust off your tarbucket, and give the fields of friendly strife a whirl.

If he’s smart, he’ll start with IOCT tabbers, provided each overachiever still has two functioning lungs.

In an effort to keep things true to WP tradition, tryout participants will be required to wear black Etonics “court shoes” designed for nursing home workers and Ranger goggles. Following the football portion, DPE will request permission to alternately punch and drown all participants.

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Outrageously handsome. Infinitely practical. Stunningly insightful. An Ozymandian tour de force of college football punditry. Makes Jesse Palmer's tie look fat.


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4 Responses

  1. USMA92

    Reconnects with the Corps, possibly opens up a spot for anyone who left the team for whatever reason and may find a diamond in the rough like Doug Black back in the day. Why not give it a shot?

    Great recruiting for 1 month of work for the new staff plus some willingness to do things differently! Refreshing!

    Plus who doesn’t love a blog post that can tie in the IOCT?

    Beat Navy!

    • Fumblerooski

      If you can tab the IOCT you can probably win an Ironman and do your own abdominal surgery. F the guy who created that thing.

  2. TKusma95

    Funniest thing I’ve read in a long, long time…right up until I read “If you can tab the IOCT you can probably win an Ironman and do your own abdominal surgery”. Then that become the funniest.

    Great job, men. Keep it up.


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